I'm back!

So I haven’t been around lately and a lot has changed. I’ve found a man that I have fallen in love with and seem to be falling out of love with. I have a tendency to put others before me and this is a perfect example of that. I get my heart broken and I come running to my blog to talk it out but when things are going great I’m too happy to notice that I’m not fulfilling my needs. I’m not quite sure what I want from a man and this is why I get so upset. I don’t know my own expectations. I’m just learning as I go along but I think it’s time I figure out me before I get involved with someone again. I need to do things for myself; I need to be selfish like all the men I’ve dated are. They are teaching me something, maybe not in the best manner or even not on purpose but I have only notice more how selfish men can be. I want someone who will put me first, that won’t care if I need to eat a piece of bread in bed because I’m sick. I want someone who will let me lean on their shoulder even if they don’t want to hear about the drama in my family. I want someone I can talk to without feeling like a child. I want someone who can’t keep their hands or eyes off me, I want someone who will treat me like a trophy and show me off to everyone he knows. I want to be wined and dined. I want to always be on his mind. Now all these things are things that I need to do to get what I expect. Being ok with being treated badly only gives these men the green light to keep mistreating me. It’s time that I put my foot down and see who is REALLY willing to fight for me and my love. The only thing is that I know this one won’t be showing up on my doorsteps with flowers and an apology anytime soon. I guess all this is my fault because I’m still hoping for him to come sweep me off my feet even though I tell myself he won’t, I still get butterflies in my stomach and a lump in my throat every time the door opens or a car drives by. Obviously if he doesn’t fight for me then I don’t want him because that just shows that he never cared that much and me leaving him doesn’t even bother him. But that doesn’t mean that this doesn’t hurt.